Wah, waht, huh, um.
I'm a dad now! Hurrah. I'll explain the lack of posting soon.
Baby Charlie was born at 12:55pm on February 9, 2008. He's beautiful! girlfriend and I adore him.
But the birth and subsequent events have not been smooth sailing.
Everything is slowing down a bit now, life's becoming a little more normal, and I'll be posting here really soon with the full story which will read like a particularly dramatic episode of Casualty. I seem to have no time now we have a little baby. No one told me that if I setup a blog about being a dad, a blind dad, I might not actually blinking well have the time to write it.
Thursday, 28 February 2008
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
Be prepared not impaired
I've started thinking along practical lines in the last couple of days after having read the manual you're given by the hospital when you're expecting a baby.
It says that, in the lead up to the birth date, you should finish all odd jobs around the house, make sure all baby gear is ready and make sure you learn how to use those things that will be new to you as a parent: baby alarm, bottle sanitiser thing, push chair and other things.
Yes, I did say push chair. Have you ever looked at one of those things up close? Unless you're a parent, it has probably bypassed you that they're not just chairs on wheels any longer, they're fully fledged 'Travel Systems'. Our Travel System came from Mothercare and I believe goes by the attractive name of Trenton. It's a push chair cum pram cum carry cot cum baby car seat - we didn't bother getting the one with the built-in mp3 player slot. It's like a jigsaw. God knows if it's colour coded for the sighties but, well, it could be easier to use I'm sure. We familiarised ourselves with it again on Sunday. It took an hour working out how to secure everything in there safely.
The baby manual stresses keenly that you should make sure your car has enough petrol in it to get you to the hospital when those contractions get down to the magic 3 minute intervals. Um. Does everyone really rely on cars? Is that absolutely expected? What kind of blindist mindset wrote this pamphlet, huh?
Our plan was to call a taxi firm. I've been thinking about it the last few days and am wondering whether they all work 24 hours. I must FIND OUT WHICH ONES ARE ROUND_THE_CLOCK OPERATIONS PRETTY SOON I think. But if I call them up and ask them to send a taxi round quickly, do I admit it's because they need to pick up my girlfriend who is in the final stages of labour? Will they rush to us or rush to avoid us? Maybe there is an unwritten code amongst London taxi drivers that shuns women over 37 weeks pregnant in case their waters break and ruin the car's uphaulstry. I mean, you can't blame them. So do I or don't I admit it? If they are running late do I call them up again and scream "for god's sake get here quickly, my girlfriend is about to give birth". That's not gonna help is it.
One of our big problems is that we don't have any family nearby. Both sets of parents are around a 2 hour drive away north and south of London. Many of our friends have started moving out of London too in the last couple of years so it's all feeling a bit lonesome in the big city. Though we'd rather like to move out into the country to bring up a child away from the inner city, we feel rather stuck here because it's very hard for visually impaired peple to get jobs, and London is where the jobs are. It's more likely that blind people will get a job in a big metropolitan area.
GF has shunned all antenatal classes because her sister is a trainee midwife and her other sister a GP. So we have good medical backup and knowledge. But the big thing we're missing is people; others in the same situation as us that GF could have made friends with on class but hasn't. She also seems reluctant to talk to the NCT - National Childbirth Trust - and join their parent/mother groups. We really need to pull our finger out here and start up a bit of a support network and, of course, be able to give support in return. Um, if anyone wants it. Oh god lets not go there today.
Some of my main worries are about me surviving on the labour ward when looking after girlfriend there. I can't see and don't know my way round the place. I've not been there despite the fact they suggest you should. I'm usually the kind of blindie who'll stops himself from moving around too much in unfamiliar situations so that I don't cause too much fuss and don't break anything. I usually have a guide dog but have been without one for 8 months because they can't find me a new one since the last dog retired. So, I'm a white cane user at the moment, not a particularly competent one as I've not used one for 17 years really. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total spastic with it, I'm OK, it's just that guide dogs bring you so much more independence. In short: if you use a cane you have to whack an object with it before you know it's there. With a dog, they gracefully swerve you round objects and more than that they occasionally pre-empt where you're trying to go because they may have been there before. They're a dream, really. So the labour ward is currently giving me anxieties because I need to be there to help. I am not the main event, GF is, I want to be the side show and be as self sufficient as possible - and hopefully without knocking other beds sideways, clanging my cane loudly against nurses trolleys or falling into the laps of other pregnant women.
It says that, in the lead up to the birth date, you should finish all odd jobs around the house, make sure all baby gear is ready and make sure you learn how to use those things that will be new to you as a parent: baby alarm, bottle sanitiser thing, push chair and other things.
Yes, I did say push chair. Have you ever looked at one of those things up close? Unless you're a parent, it has probably bypassed you that they're not just chairs on wheels any longer, they're fully fledged 'Travel Systems'. Our Travel System came from Mothercare and I believe goes by the attractive name of Trenton. It's a push chair cum pram cum carry cot cum baby car seat - we didn't bother getting the one with the built-in mp3 player slot. It's like a jigsaw. God knows if it's colour coded for the sighties but, well, it could be easier to use I'm sure. We familiarised ourselves with it again on Sunday. It took an hour working out how to secure everything in there safely.
The baby manual stresses keenly that you should make sure your car has enough petrol in it to get you to the hospital when those contractions get down to the magic 3 minute intervals. Um. Does everyone really rely on cars? Is that absolutely expected? What kind of blindist mindset wrote this pamphlet, huh?
Our plan was to call a taxi firm. I've been thinking about it the last few days and am wondering whether they all work 24 hours. I must FIND OUT WHICH ONES ARE ROUND_THE_CLOCK OPERATIONS PRETTY SOON I think. But if I call them up and ask them to send a taxi round quickly, do I admit it's because they need to pick up my girlfriend who is in the final stages of labour? Will they rush to us or rush to avoid us? Maybe there is an unwritten code amongst London taxi drivers that shuns women over 37 weeks pregnant in case their waters break and ruin the car's uphaulstry. I mean, you can't blame them. So do I or don't I admit it? If they are running late do I call them up again and scream "for god's sake get here quickly, my girlfriend is about to give birth". That's not gonna help is it.
One of our big problems is that we don't have any family nearby. Both sets of parents are around a 2 hour drive away north and south of London. Many of our friends have started moving out of London too in the last couple of years so it's all feeling a bit lonesome in the big city. Though we'd rather like to move out into the country to bring up a child away from the inner city, we feel rather stuck here because it's very hard for visually impaired peple to get jobs, and London is where the jobs are. It's more likely that blind people will get a job in a big metropolitan area.
GF has shunned all antenatal classes because her sister is a trainee midwife and her other sister a GP. So we have good medical backup and knowledge. But the big thing we're missing is people; others in the same situation as us that GF could have made friends with on class but hasn't. She also seems reluctant to talk to the NCT - National Childbirth Trust - and join their parent/mother groups. We really need to pull our finger out here and start up a bit of a support network and, of course, be able to give support in return. Um, if anyone wants it. Oh god lets not go there today.
Some of my main worries are about me surviving on the labour ward when looking after girlfriend there. I can't see and don't know my way round the place. I've not been there despite the fact they suggest you should. I'm usually the kind of blindie who'll stops himself from moving around too much in unfamiliar situations so that I don't cause too much fuss and don't break anything. I usually have a guide dog but have been without one for 8 months because they can't find me a new one since the last dog retired. So, I'm a white cane user at the moment, not a particularly competent one as I've not used one for 17 years really. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total spastic with it, I'm OK, it's just that guide dogs bring you so much more independence. In short: if you use a cane you have to whack an object with it before you know it's there. With a dog, they gracefully swerve you round objects and more than that they occasionally pre-empt where you're trying to go because they may have been there before. They're a dream, really. So the labour ward is currently giving me anxieties because I need to be there to help. I am not the main event, GF is, I want to be the side show and be as self sufficient as possible - and hopefully without knocking other beds sideways, clanging my cane loudly against nurses trolleys or falling into the laps of other pregnant women.
Time plus one day - taming that blood pressure
It's hard to think about much else other than babies, birth, potential pitfalls, consequences and generalised worry.I'm still at work though and we moved office on Monday - a really nice new building we're in, it's so much better than the old place, it distracted me for about 24 hours but now my mind is fully back on the baby thing.
The due date was yesterday but baby doesn't appear to have known that. Girlfriend (GF) is now massive - or mahoosive as trendy young go-getting TV presenter Fearne Cotton says. She's fed up, she can barely even get in the bath, she just can't wait until he or she is out.
GF's blood pressure is still ridiculously high. Well, it's high then it's low. In our usual antenatal appointment yesterday afternoon the lower number went so high that the midwife, Risi, didn't want to tell us what it was - 110 we found out when the doctor was called in.
Risi said she knew the consultant was going to be unhappy with the results and quickly had GF on the couch giving her a sweep.
I speak here as if I know the vocabulary well, I'd only actually found out what a sweep was the night before. I'd seen women on pregnancy messageboards giving each other tips on how to get things moving along with advice such as: a hot curry, sex, eating pineapple, drinking raspberry leaf tea. While looking at Mumsnet on Saturday there were a few people saying they had triggered labour by having a sweep and I was about to suggest to GF that she purchase a hefty yard brush from the hardware shop at the top of the road and go outside to clear up the fallen leaves. luckily GF brought up
how she was going to ask for a sweep and explained it all before I embarrassed myself.
It's where the midwife gives the mother an internal probing, the intention being to stimulate the cirvix into producing, um ... hang on a second I'm just going to shout through to GF to ask what it is that it's meant TO TRIGGER> Prostoglandin. That's right. It's a hormone or an enzyme that brings on contractions. Something like that.
GF squealed quite a bit while the sweeping happened - a tiny bit weird being in the same room where someone else is sticking their fingers up your partner, I have to admit. But I surprised myself by getting choked up. It was the FIRST PAIN I've seen GF in and I knew it was minor compared to what is going to happen in the next few days. I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna be blubbin like a good un at the birth. Possibly at the first contraction to be honest. What's up with me?
And get this. When we saw the doctor I got choked up again because he talked about bringing GF in to hospital that night. This was it. It was happening. But oh no, he then backtracked and said he'd give her until tomorrow morning. We were to report to the Day Assessment Unit (DAU) at 9am for a series of blood pressure tests across an hour to gauge the situation a little better. Not big news to us, we've been here a number of times already.
Doctor left the room but midwife Risi wasn't happy just letting us go home while GF's blood pressure was still so high. She sent us to the DAU there and then for some tests immediately. We spent an hour in the quiet room in the DAU and her blood pressure sank right down to something very very normal.
The results look rather as if girlfriend gets nervy when she comes into the hospital - White Coat Syndrome as they call it. However, GF vigorously maintains that this is not the case. It may well be that, at rest, her blood pressure is relatively normal but what is it like as soon as she excerts herself at home by just a little bit of pottering between kitchen and living room? Is this high blood pressure harming baby? It worries us because high blood pressure can result in less oxygen getting through the placenta.
We went home and hoped that the sweep might start off the contractions. They say that a sweep can give results within about 6 hours. Not for us though.
She touched the head! The midwife actually touched our baby's head when doing this sweep thing. Amazing. Actually slightly scary. But amazing. Wouldn't that break the waters, I wondered? Apparently not.
Wednesday ... and we went out for lunch today at the Gourmet Burger Kitchen in West Hampstead - a very last minute decision after spending this morning in the hospital too. Blood pressure was fine but this is all getting too much. She's being observed so closely that it's hard not to get stressed about what might be going on - the side effect of being looked after extremely well by the hospital, taste the irony. But when her BP is high then it's HIGH, right? And that's not good.
We sought out the midwife again today and met with her discussing our concerns for about half an hour. The upshot is that GF is going to get an enema and a sweep on Friday. The enema apparently can clear the bowel and help baby down the passages into the right position. This means we're giving GF every chance to have a natural birth and avoid getting induced - the preferred option obviously. Tuesday is our next appointment with the consultant and, at 41 weeks, one week overdue, that's where we'll discuss getting baby out.
We've booked in diary time with the midwife for the birth already. Next Thursday at 8:30am, we have to come in to the hospital to have GF's waters broken to try and bring on a natural birth if all is 'favourable' on the Tuesday. And apparently 'favourable' means that your cirvix has to be 'ripe'. If her cirvix is not 'ripe' then she's got to go in to hospital Wednesday night for induction.
So. One more week of waiting maximum.
The due date was yesterday but baby doesn't appear to have known that. Girlfriend (GF) is now massive - or mahoosive as trendy young go-getting TV presenter Fearne Cotton says. She's fed up, she can barely even get in the bath, she just can't wait until he or she is out.
GF's blood pressure is still ridiculously high. Well, it's high then it's low. In our usual antenatal appointment yesterday afternoon the lower number went so high that the midwife, Risi, didn't want to tell us what it was - 110 we found out when the doctor was called in.
Risi said she knew the consultant was going to be unhappy with the results and quickly had GF on the couch giving her a sweep.
I speak here as if I know the vocabulary well, I'd only actually found out what a sweep was the night before. I'd seen women on pregnancy messageboards giving each other tips on how to get things moving along with advice such as: a hot curry, sex, eating pineapple, drinking raspberry leaf tea. While looking at Mumsnet on Saturday there were a few people saying they had triggered labour by having a sweep and I was about to suggest to GF that she purchase a hefty yard brush from the hardware shop at the top of the road and go outside to clear up the fallen leaves. luckily GF brought up
how she was going to ask for a sweep and explained it all before I embarrassed myself.
It's where the midwife gives the mother an internal probing, the intention being to stimulate the cirvix into producing, um ... hang on a second I'm just going to shout through to GF to ask what it is that it's meant TO TRIGGER> Prostoglandin. That's right. It's a hormone or an enzyme that brings on contractions. Something like that.
GF squealed quite a bit while the sweeping happened - a tiny bit weird being in the same room where someone else is sticking their fingers up your partner, I have to admit. But I surprised myself by getting choked up. It was the FIRST PAIN I've seen GF in and I knew it was minor compared to what is going to happen in the next few days. I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna be blubbin like a good un at the birth. Possibly at the first contraction to be honest. What's up with me?
And get this. When we saw the doctor I got choked up again because he talked about bringing GF in to hospital that night. This was it. It was happening. But oh no, he then backtracked and said he'd give her until tomorrow morning. We were to report to the Day Assessment Unit (DAU) at 9am for a series of blood pressure tests across an hour to gauge the situation a little better. Not big news to us, we've been here a number of times already.
Doctor left the room but midwife Risi wasn't happy just letting us go home while GF's blood pressure was still so high. She sent us to the DAU there and then for some tests immediately. We spent an hour in the quiet room in the DAU and her blood pressure sank right down to something very very normal.
The results look rather as if girlfriend gets nervy when she comes into the hospital - White Coat Syndrome as they call it. However, GF vigorously maintains that this is not the case. It may well be that, at rest, her blood pressure is relatively normal but what is it like as soon as she excerts herself at home by just a little bit of pottering between kitchen and living room? Is this high blood pressure harming baby? It worries us because high blood pressure can result in less oxygen getting through the placenta.
We went home and hoped that the sweep might start off the contractions. They say that a sweep can give results within about 6 hours. Not for us though.
She touched the head! The midwife actually touched our baby's head when doing this sweep thing. Amazing. Actually slightly scary. But amazing. Wouldn't that break the waters, I wondered? Apparently not.
Wednesday ... and we went out for lunch today at the Gourmet Burger Kitchen in West Hampstead - a very last minute decision after spending this morning in the hospital too. Blood pressure was fine but this is all getting too much. She's being observed so closely that it's hard not to get stressed about what might be going on - the side effect of being looked after extremely well by the hospital, taste the irony. But when her BP is high then it's HIGH, right? And that's not good.
We sought out the midwife again today and met with her discussing our concerns for about half an hour. The upshot is that GF is going to get an enema and a sweep on Friday. The enema apparently can clear the bowel and help baby down the passages into the right position. This means we're giving GF every chance to have a natural birth and avoid getting induced - the preferred option obviously. Tuesday is our next appointment with the consultant and, at 41 weeks, one week overdue, that's where we'll discuss getting baby out.
We've booked in diary time with the midwife for the birth already. Next Thursday at 8:30am, we have to come in to the hospital to have GF's waters broken to try and bring on a natural birth if all is 'favourable' on the Tuesday. And apparently 'favourable' means that your cirvix has to be 'ripe'. If her cirvix is not 'ripe' then she's got to go in to hospital Wednesday night for induction.
So. One more week of waiting maximum.
Saturday, 2 February 2008
I'm already up all night
Blind people can get really bad insomnia and easily slip out of living in a 24-hour body clock world. Or at least that's what I've been told. Maybe I'm just talking about me.- I have dreadful sleep patterns.
The theory goes that if you don't recieve light into your brain then serotonin isn't produced properly. Serotonin, it is said, keeps you 24 hours whereas some blindies can operate on something like a 30 hour body clock.
It's always been a problem for me. I'll fall asleep at night relatively easily - I'm practically unconcious before my head even reaches the pillow - but I often wake up at 1 or 2 or 4 and just can't get back to sleep again after that point. I dearly wish I could wake up at 7am, get up and go to work at a normal time, and not panic as the time to go to work approaches some 8 hours after I woke up meaning I'll have to pull a 21 hour day before bedtime.
Over the years though, my body has got quite used to it. Not many people could survive on so little sleep.
can you guess what I'm leading up to here? I reckon that this little quirk of blindness is going to be my saviour once baby is born.
All I hear from parents of newborns is that they are desperate for sleep. They are operating on a totally different body clokc, waking up several times a night, and suffering from extreme sleep deprivation.
So could this thing that's dogged me all this time actually help when it comes to being a new father? Could being blind be some kind of weirdo advantage here? Ha!
I guess I'll find out soon. Course, the difference is that I currently wake up because my body wakes me up. In a few days (or weeks) time, it'll be someone else waking me. Does that fit into my general positive theory of blindie insomnia and parenthood? I bloody hope so.
The theory goes that if you don't recieve light into your brain then serotonin isn't produced properly. Serotonin, it is said, keeps you 24 hours whereas some blindies can operate on something like a 30 hour body clock.
It's always been a problem for me. I'll fall asleep at night relatively easily - I'm practically unconcious before my head even reaches the pillow - but I often wake up at 1 or 2 or 4 and just can't get back to sleep again after that point. I dearly wish I could wake up at 7am, get up and go to work at a normal time, and not panic as the time to go to work approaches some 8 hours after I woke up meaning I'll have to pull a 21 hour day before bedtime.
Over the years though, my body has got quite used to it. Not many people could survive on so little sleep.
can you guess what I'm leading up to here? I reckon that this little quirk of blindness is going to be my saviour once baby is born.
All I hear from parents of newborns is that they are desperate for sleep. They are operating on a totally different body clokc, waking up several times a night, and suffering from extreme sleep deprivation.
So could this thing that's dogged me all this time actually help when it comes to being a new father? Could being blind be some kind of weirdo advantage here? Ha!
I guess I'll find out soon. Course, the difference is that I currently wake up because my body wakes me up. In a few days (or weeks) time, it'll be someone else waking me. Does that fit into my general positive theory of blindie insomnia and parenthood? I bloody hope so.
Friday, 1 February 2008
4 days to go
4 days to go until the due date now.
It's all been so up and down the past few weeks. GF has had high blood pressure throughout her pregnancy. For the uninitiated, this is an indicator that she could be heading towrds preaclampsia. And for the uninitiated, preaclampsia is the stage before fully blown aclampsia. And aclampsia, I've learned, is a bit shit. It's some kind of toxicity of the blood that can seriously harm mother and baby. Something like that ... can bring on seizures and all sorts (shivver).
Other indicators of preaclampsia are swolen ankles and presence of protein in the urine.
So GF has been monitored closely these past few months. Scans every four weeks,to see if baby is growing correctly (preaclampsia can hinder growth, see) and more regular appointments with the midwife.
We bought a blood pressure machine for home and test her every day. And in the more worrying days we test her several times daily. On the whole her BP (blood pressure, catch up) has been on the high side. It seems that it's the lower figure that's most important and her lower figure has been pretty consistently over 90.
AInthe last few days that figure has risen to 106 at the highest. Though the doctors and midwife originally said that they'd be worried if it went over 90, the goalposts have apparently shifted a little as they're now saying it's not so bad because she's obviously a high BP kinda gal. Confusions are rife. Protein in urine has been present, then not present, then higher in content then none at all. Definitive followup blood tests have proven that all is OK though and that even last week's gestational diabetes scare was just that - a scare, not reality.
Am I sounding like a medical dictionary? I'm certainly picking up a lot. Maybe I could become a midwife? GF's sister is a trainee midwife and says she has a couple of male midwives in her hospital which interested me. But is the world ready for a blind male midwife? Or a black or female president of the USA? Sorry, going off topic there. Or am I?
GF went to the hospital for another series of blood pressure tests today while I, for the first time in months, went to work rather than accompanying her. Felt rather guilty about that but it was a long standing diaried meeting I wanted to attend. See? I'm going to be a dreadful father; forever placing work above family life. I'm never going to bond with my child and it serves me darn well right, doesn't it.
Her BP results were ridiculously low. 68 on the bottom. What the hell is going on there?
So threats of early induction from a few weeks ago look a bit stupid now. She's absolutely fine and we're gonna have to wait this out. GF is getting sick of it, we're both getting a little blase and bored about the situation, and we could still be waiting another 17 days if baby is late and refuess to show; they induce only if baby is 12 days late.
It's all been so up and down the past few weeks. GF has had high blood pressure throughout her pregnancy. For the uninitiated, this is an indicator that she could be heading towrds preaclampsia. And for the uninitiated, preaclampsia is the stage before fully blown aclampsia. And aclampsia, I've learned, is a bit shit. It's some kind of toxicity of the blood that can seriously harm mother and baby. Something like that ... can bring on seizures and all sorts (shivver).
Other indicators of preaclampsia are swolen ankles and presence of protein in the urine.
So GF has been monitored closely these past few months. Scans every four weeks,to see if baby is growing correctly (preaclampsia can hinder growth, see) and more regular appointments with the midwife.
We bought a blood pressure machine for home and test her every day. And in the more worrying days we test her several times daily. On the whole her BP (blood pressure, catch up) has been on the high side. It seems that it's the lower figure that's most important and her lower figure has been pretty consistently over 90.
AInthe last few days that figure has risen to 106 at the highest. Though the doctors and midwife originally said that they'd be worried if it went over 90, the goalposts have apparently shifted a little as they're now saying it's not so bad because she's obviously a high BP kinda gal. Confusions are rife. Protein in urine has been present, then not present, then higher in content then none at all. Definitive followup blood tests have proven that all is OK though and that even last week's gestational diabetes scare was just that - a scare, not reality.
Am I sounding like a medical dictionary? I'm certainly picking up a lot. Maybe I could become a midwife? GF's sister is a trainee midwife and says she has a couple of male midwives in her hospital which interested me. But is the world ready for a blind male midwife? Or a black or female president of the USA? Sorry, going off topic there. Or am I?
GF went to the hospital for another series of blood pressure tests today while I, for the first time in months, went to work rather than accompanying her. Felt rather guilty about that but it was a long standing diaried meeting I wanted to attend. See? I'm going to be a dreadful father; forever placing work above family life. I'm never going to bond with my child and it serves me darn well right, doesn't it.
Her BP results were ridiculously low. 68 on the bottom. What the hell is going on there?
So threats of early induction from a few weeks ago look a bit stupid now. She's absolutely fine and we're gonna have to wait this out. GF is getting sick of it, we're both getting a little blase and bored about the situation, and we could still be waiting another 17 days if baby is late and refuess to show; they induce only if baby is 12 days late.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
